A Poem for My Grandpa

Just seeing my Grandfather living his last breaths breaks my heart…I wish I could be near him at this very moment; holding his hand, talking to him, telling him that everything is going to be alright. I miss his voice and the way he used to praise me from time to time, saying how patient I was helping him and feeding him. Gosh, I just miss him so much right now. I can’t stop my tears whenever I think about him. I video called him yesterday and he couldn’t even talk properly.

I know he doesn’t have long to live but I wish I could just be beside him. You know, I still feel that I haven’t taken care of him much. I suddenly feel so guilty and I’m overwhelmed with regrets. There were times when I got slightly annoyed or didn’t listen to him much and now those things are kind of getting to me. You know what they say, “You only know you love them when they’ve gone away.”

But I want him to die peacefully. I don’t want him suffering with pain. If he just passes away in his sleep, I think that would make me happy. Here is a little poem which I wrote for him, but I don’t think I can read it to him. Maybe my grandmother would, but…anyway, here I go.

“You held me in your arms,
fed me, played with me and
helped me sleep at night.

You made up stories,
just to make me smile,
You took me to places,
I could never find.

I can’t thank you enough,
for the things you’ve done for me.
You’ve given me so much joy all these years,
that I will never forget even if I’m drowning in tears.

I can’t see you go away,
Grandpa, I love you so much,
but unfortunately, we all get old,
and some day we all must fade away.

I only pray that you are happy,
until your last breath.
I only pray that I get to see you for one last time,
before your silent and blissful death.”

Grandpa, I love you.

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All I Need is a Good Friend

It has been so long since I’ve had any friends to talk with. Like real friends, not social, not strangers. Real human beings in front of me. Who I can see smiling or laughing.
I had dropped out of middle school due to some personal reasons (not that you need to know since it’s not so important right now) and since then and until now…8 years? I’ve never had a friend. I wasn’t too happy about it either, but as time went by, it became less of a concern to actually have one around.

But, whenever I see others being with their friends; hanging out, cracking indecent jokes, goofing around, I just wish that I had some of my own. I like creating memories and with friends, its all the more fun and precious. Yes, I won’t refuse that I get jealous. I envy those who have friends. I envy you right now who are reading this because hell, you might have a friend to with whom you can share your thoughts and feelings with. But, don’t leave right away…Finish this post for me, will you?

I can’t even properly remember the memories from 8 years ago…*chuckles dryly*

I just wish I had an awesome friendship like Betty and Veronica. Someone who would always stand up for me, be there whenever I called, reply to my messages without leaving me on ‘seen’.
Someone whom I could hug whenever I want. With whom I can bake cookies, discuss relationship problems and watch horror movies.

But, since the past 8 years, I’ve never really left my house and started a conversation with someone that could evolve into a blossomed friendship. No, I leave my house, maybe go to the gym, or grocery shopping and then come back home. The end. So, how do you suppose I make friends? I’ve a dozen social companions but they aren’t ‘friends’ friends. They are just ‘people’ with whom I randomly talk to because they just happened to stumble upon my Instagram page.

I still crave for a friend, for a friendship, for the joyful moments. Having someone beside you always seems so good. You can share your hardship and they’ll always support you.
Plus, its more fun to complete your bucket list with a friend than do it alone, right?
You pack your bags and whoo! You’re on an awesome road trip. An adventure.

Alas, *sighs deeply* my wishes will be just wishes.

But, I won’t lose hope. Perhaps, If I try my best, maybe join a University or something…then maybe there’s a chance I can make one good friend.
One good friend is all I ask.
Is all I need.

Thank you though for reading this mini rambling of mine.
You’re a kind friend.

 

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