Why? | A Thought | Personal Article

I can’t believe how people can change so much…The people you think they are, aren’t actually showing their true selves to you. They talk behind your backs, they say abominable things, they just rip your apart from the face of the Earth but when they come face to face, they are all smiles and rainbows…

Why? why the two-face? why not say whatever it is to our faces? Why not just say that you don’t like us and that we should just go away. Why do you backbite about us? say the things that aren’t true or mix falsehood with the truth?

What did we do wrong? did we hurt you? did we tell you something that wasn’t appropriate? no…all we did was stay with you so that you could feel safe. so that you wouldn’t be alone and isolated in this sudden outbreak that’s keeping us locked up in our homes.

Why do you do this to us? we trusted you so much. we thought you were good, we thought you were the nicest person and we thought that you loved us…but in the end, you turned your backs on us. All of you.

All you care about is yourselves and money. you used to respect us but when we lost everything, you decided to just throw us off the cliff and look at us as dead animals; or even worse…

thought so many good things about you. I trusted you, loved you with all my heart, and now…I just feel like I can’t trust anyone right now. Why do I have to go through this? Why is God testing me like this? Why did you change? or were you like this from before but now, your true colors are showing?

All of you…Why? Just because we’re another religion? just because we have different beliefs? different God? Why…?

It hurts.

It hurts so much…

I know I shouldn’t and don’t want to be too personal in this blog but I can’t help it…I must write this so that I can feel better. So that people will know that there are no more good and Merciful people here. That all we have is ourselves, God, and the closest people such as your parents and siblings.

you can’t trust anyone blindly these days. they will talk to you nicely at first but you will never know what goes around behind the scenes…it’s dirty, it’s disdainful and it’s not right. it’s unfair.

after all that we’ve gone through together…this is how they pay us back. with harsh words…words that they don’t know that we know what they said.

I might feel better after publishing this…I might not. But at least I will know that some (if not many) will read this. I don’t know, maybe I’m just looking for some comfort, for some love…maybe I’m just looking for some help but in the end, I hope this article will reach you so that you can know my thoughts and feelings right now.

Thank you for reading.

Don’t worry, I am okay.

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How to Love Yourself?

This is a question that many people tend to ignore. How to love yourself? It’s not something that you can habitually attain, but just like everything and anything else, you must learn to do it.

Loving yourself isn’t as hard as you think it is. It’s not like you have to stay hours in the gym just to get that perfect figure or spend hours in the kitchen to perfect that dish. No, all it takes is a simple mindset and some tweaks in your daily life that will make you love yourself no matter what people say.

  1. Always set an Inspiring Goal – Because without goals, you won’t have the motivation or purpose to live an enjoyable and successful life. You’ll always end up feeling down and we can’t have that kind of negative energy if we want to live a good and happy life. Therefore, always set an inspiring goal such as; ‘Learning how to Drive’, or, ‘Publishing a Poetry Book’, or, ‘Becoming a successful Blogger/Vlogger,’ These kinds of goals will set you apart from the rest of your family and friends and you will also be thrilled to continue to pursue your dreams.
  2. Ask yourself from time to time; What do you love about yourself? Surely, there must be something that you love about yourself? For example, your nose. You might have a pretty nose, or your face, your eyes or even your arms or booty. Perhaps, there’s something about your nature that you love? You might be kind, caring, supportive, a good listener. It can be anything but it’s up to you to find out what it is that you love about yourself? Always ask this question at the beginning or end of the day so that you can strive to do more good and be someone’s perfect role model.
  3. It’s now time to Thank Your Body because unlike many other who are suffering out there, you don’t have cancer or other illnesses that makes you look sick (May God Heal them too) You’re healthy, you’re beautiful and even if you don’t have abs or toned arms and legs, your body is normal and you’re still fitting into your favorite dresses, so that’s something to be thankful of. This year too, don’t forget to take care of your body because if you become lazy in that, then your entire year might go down the hill. The main gear of our life is indeed our body. If we struggle to keep it healthy and fit, our lives will turn out to be more independent, confident and wonderful!
  4. Always Forgive Yourself because we aren’t AI robots (well, AI too makes mistakes sometimes) but we’re human beings and we make mistakes. We’re not perfect; no matter how clean your house is or how good you’re in math. We all made/make mistakes but what will give us the chance to continue with our life is if we forgive and tell ourselves that life is a series of ups and downs and we must learn to embrace our mistakes and reset our lives every time we fall back down. We can’t just stop playing a game just because we aren’t able to fight the big boss at the end, right? No, we continue because we had come a long way and turning back now would be like giving up. So, we fight the villain until we’ve won and we actually do win in the end; somehow…but we do.
  5. Last but not the least, Stop Comparing Yourself to others. We’re all different in our own ways. Again, we’re not robots, we’re human beings and we come in all shapes and sizes. If you keep on comparing yourself to others, you won’t be able to achieve anything because you’re automatically telling yourself that ‘that guy/girl is better than me and I won’t be able to do it.’ See, that’s so much pessimism right there! Just throw that thought out of your mind and focus on yourself. Focus on your goals and see how fast you’ll drive the car to success or to your desired goals/dreams.

I hope these 5 simple tips will help you start the new year with much strength and confidence. Don’t worry, everything will be alright. We all have a long way to go but we have to start somewhere, don’t we? Let’s not get busy with what the world wants or thinks, let’s focus on what we want and let’s strive to be happy for ourselves.

Until then,

Peace neighbors,

See you in my next post~

I’M THE WRITER NEXT DOOR!

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Grandpa…I love you.

We all knew that he was going to live no more and yet, when he took his last breath, we all broke into tiny pieces. His memories flashed in my mind and his last smile to me was painted in front of me. It was just that afternoon that I talked to him and told him that I would come. All he could was give a big smile and nod. I thought I would get to see him, whisper my promises to him and serve him more. But just a few hours later, my Grandmother called.

I was filled with guilt and regret that I couldn’t fulfil his last wishes. I cried even more by just thinking about it. However, a piece of me felt a relief because he had suffered so much. So much pain he endured and yet, he never complained. He bore the pain all to himself and smiled. Smiled because he was just happy to see us. It was as though he would forget all his agony by just seeing us move around and laugh and crack jokes.

But what pained me to know was that, in the end, he suffered a little bit more. I wanted to go to him and feed him, talk to him and hug him but our Lord has His own plans and His plans are always Great. Perhaps I wouldn’t have survived if I saw him like that. Perhaps it was for the better that I was away for a while.

I realized that I didn’t do much for him. I didn’t…

Even though everyone is saying that I have done enough, I feel like I have not. I still want to do more for him…I still want to feed him, talk to him and see him laugh at our jokes.

Grandpa…I love you so much. I really love you and I’m sorry for everything…

I feel guilty because I have a feeling that I might have hurt him or caused him to hate me by doing something which he displeased. And no matter how many good memories of him I try to recall, it’s overlapping with his loneliness that he was living in. I guess that’s what pains me…to know that he lived the rest of his life on bed; unable to go to places that he dearly loved or meet the people he dearly cared for.

I keep telling myself that I’m probably overthinking all this stuff and that eventually, everyone has to die. But like I said, what makes me sad isn’t his death but his memories and his suffering.

I just want to hug him tightly and close my eyes and wish that none of what happened is true. But that’s going against God’s Will and with this thinking of mine, I don’t want to displease the Almighty. I don’t want to say or think that it was His fault that Grandpa died because God gives life to whom He wills and takes away the life of whom He wills of His slaves. It’s life and we must move on. Our Lord is Most Knowing of everything and I’m glad that Grandpa died because none of us could see him suffer anymore.

To Allah we belong and to Allah we return.

I pray that our Lord, the Most Merciful admits my Grandfather into Paradise and Forgives all his sins. And I pray that He forgives me as well for my mistakes and shortcomings and for the things I shouldn’t have said to my grandpa and for the wishes I haven’t fulfilled.

Ameen.

Everyone has given me the task to write the funeral speech for him and although I would be happy to, I’m afraid that I won’t be able to because this is the first time someone so close and beloved to me has died…I don’t even know how or what I’m feeling but I pray that I find a way to cope with my grievances and be a support to my Grandma, my brother who is closer to my grandfather than me and my remaining family members.

I hope I do a good job of writing that funeral speech…I also wouldn’t mind a little help so if you’re reading this post, can you help me? What do I write and how do I write…?

Grandpa…I know you can’t hear me or read this article but I love you, okay? I didn’t say it to you before but I don’t regret it because I showed you my love through serving you patiently. I hope you loved me too just as you loved my brother and I hope we meet again in Paradise.

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A Poem for My Grandpa

Just seeing my Grandfather living his last breaths breaks my heart…I wish I could be near him at this very moment; holding his hand, talking to him, telling him that everything is going to be alright. I miss his voice and the way he used to praise me from time to time, saying how patient I was helping him and feeding him. Gosh, I just miss him so much right now. I can’t stop my tears whenever I think about him. I video called him yesterday and he couldn’t even talk properly.

I know he doesn’t have long to live but I wish I could just be beside him. You know, I still feel that I haven’t taken care of him much. I suddenly feel so guilty and I’m overwhelmed with regrets. There were times when I got slightly annoyed or didn’t listen to him much and now those things are kind of getting to me. You know what they say, “You only know you love them when they’ve gone away.”

But I want him to die peacefully. I don’t want him suffering with pain. If he just passes away in his sleep, I think that would make me happy. Here is a little poem which I wrote for him, but I don’t think I can read it to him. Maybe my grandmother would, but…anyway, here I go.

“You held me in your arms,
fed me, played with me and
helped me sleep at night.

You made up stories,
just to make me smile,
You took me to places,
I could never find.

I can’t thank you enough,
for the things you’ve done for me.
You’ve given me so much joy all these years,
that I will never forget even if I’m drowning in tears.

I can’t see you go away,
Grandpa, I love you so much,
but unfortunately, we all get old,
and some day we all must fade away.

I only pray that you are happy,
until your last breath.
I only pray that I get to see you for one last time,
before your silent and blissful death.”

Grandpa, I love you.

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10 Important life lessons love has taught us

Love. You get this excitement when you hear this word, right?
When you think of love, you think of commitment, patience and endurance.

Love is something precious, something that every individual is gifted with. That’s something, okay? If there was no love, then it’s obvious there wouldn’t have been you and me.

Being in love teaches you so many things. You go through tough trials together, you motivate and inspire each other, you help each other.

But sometimes, it just doesn’t work for some people. Love is something you have to experiment with. You cannot know it unless you investigate it yourself. There will be heart breaks, sleepless nights and gloomy days, but in the end, you’re left with a lesson to learn.

Let me list ten significant life lessons that love has taught us; be it a small point or a big.

1) Empathy – When you love someone, you don’t and can’t see them cry or get hurt. If they’re happy, you’re happy. If they’re sad, you feel sadder. So you do everything in your power you can to make them happy because you regard their feelings just as you would regard yours.

2) Decide – It’s up to you to choose if you love that person or not. The controller is in your hand, you’re the player. You have to choose to love them, or leave them. Listen to your heart.

3) Feel good – There’s a huge advantage in being in love and that’s feeling good whenever you’re with them. Nowadays, it’s what we all need. To feel good, to feel loved. If you feel good, then you’ve found the right person to spend your life with.

4) No expectations – When you love someone till the moon and the stars, you can’t expect them to love you the same way. You can’t expect to get an extra slice of cheesecake just because you love it. No, it’s all about giving and acting whether that person recognizes your sincerity or not.

5) Acceptance – Love means accepting their flaws, their mistakes, differences and the list goes on. If you truly love them, you need to accept them the way they are because isn’t that why you fell for them in the first place? There will be differences, but you just close your eyes and accept them.

6) Commitment – Love is not temporary. You can’t use it and then throw it away as if it was an torn, stinky sock. Love is not chemistry or infactuation. You need to promise to stay by each others side NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS!

7) Attention – The person drowning in true love never gets bored of giving all their attention to that particular individual. They want to make them feel that they’re near them, watching, feeling, sensing and not just ignoring because you’ve done your job of confessing. It’s not a task, it’s just something you like to give.

8) Time – Love takes time to grow. You can’t presume someone will love you at first sight. No, you need patience and perserverance. You need to give it a little time for it to develop.

9) Selflessness – You make them your priority. You solve their problems first, you make them feel happy and cherished. Real love isn’t selfish.

10) Limitless – Love is unconditional. There’s no expectations or limits set. You just love them for they are. You don’t care about their background or their past. You just love them and that’s the beauty of it all.

P.S. Bonus tip, love also means letting go. If you truly love that person, then you won’t chain them up in your room or tie a rope around their waist. You’ll let them go, you’ll set them free and if they come back to you, then I guarantee that that’s true love. But if they don’t, then it was never meant to be.

“Love is freedom and deliverance not possession or obsession.”

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Letter Of Advice To My Last Year Self

Dear last year self…

I know that you have gone through a lot, but you held on. You were patient with whatever came your way and you stayed strong. Most of them can’t do what you did. You are such a brave and wise person and I’m so proud of you.

I just want to say that you keep doing what you’re best at and leave everything in God’s hands. God is the best of the planners and He won’t ever make you feel sad. He knows what’s good and bad for you. He knows everything.

Just be patient and keep hoping because that’s what you’re good at. I know it hurts and sometimes you just wish things went your way, but remember; good things comes to those who wait.

I love you for having a strong mind and heart and never forget your Creator. After all, you’re living for Him and only for Him. These worldly things are nothing but play and you must work hard to please your Loving Lord.

Pray for every small thing and never give up. Even if your Imaan gets low, don’t worry because the devil will sometimes whisper unimaginable things to you. You must fight back and repent to God. You musn’t let the devil play with your mind. I know you can do it. You’ve done it before.

Pray. Hope. Trust in God. Repeat.

From, Your 2019 Self.

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I Am Blessed Because Of These 7 Things

I am Blessed because of :-

  1. Family. I have a great and loving family. There are so many out there who are orphans. So many who don’t get the love they deserve. But I thank God for giving me such a caring and affectionate family.
  2. Time. Because I am young, I have plenty of time to correct myself, to make myself a better person. And to be the person my special someone will love.
  3. Health. I don’t like suffering and pain. I pray everyday for people and children and infants who are sick and are on the brink of dying and I can’t be more blessed than to have a good health.
  4. Skills. Skills are a direct gift from God to us and my skill is writing. My hobbies do include arts and crafts and playing games but I’m much more passionate about writing. We must see this as a great blessing as well.
  5. Food. How many people in this world are starving and dying from hunger? But every single day, I’m getting something to eat. I don’t even complain if the food is bad because in the end, our belly is getting what it needs three or four times a day.
  6. House. What scares me most is suddenly becoming homeless…Where will I and my family go if we don’t have a home to take shelter in? God has blessed us with a home and we shouldn’t abuse or insult it or even think of running away from it.
  7. Last but not the least, I am Sane. Insanity can drive people crazy and make them do unimaginable things. But I am blessed to have a straight and right mind. A mind that can distinguish between the right and the wrong. A mind that smiles and learns new things. Being born sane is a blessing in itself.

This is what I think I am blessed by and while writing this post, I couldn’t stop thanking God because Alhumdulillah (Praise be to Allah) We have everything we need to live a simple and happy life.

I pray that whoever is suffering and whoever is lacking these blessings will be cured and blessed soon.

Ameen.

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A Troubling Event…

The thing that has been on my mind since the start of January is…The news about EXO’S Kim Jongin and BLACK PINK’S Jennie dating!

When I first saw the news, I was so devastated. I love Kim Jongin. Like so much that I can’t imagine him being with someone (not that I am a Saseng or something) I just truly love him and I couldn’t accept the news.

I still have my doubts that the news is just a rumor and that maybe they just said it for some kind of a distraction. But still, I just hope the news is false because neither Jongin nor Jennie told anything about them both.

I won’t be able to tell you how much Jongin means to me. I feel that he’s a piece of my heart that has been lost…My soul-mate, you know? I know, you guys might think that I’m over-exaggerating and stuff, but that’s just how I feel and there’s nothing you guys can do about it.

Yes. I am a big fan of Jongin and yes, like everyone else I think of a future that might turn out hopeless, but I’m trying. You have no idea how much I’m trying…

I’m also sad because gosh, I love Jennie so much. She was my second best in BLACKPINK after Rose and now…I can’t even say her name properly because when I do, the dating news just flashes in front of my eyes and I don’t really like it. Saying her name or even thinking about her pains me.

Ugh, it’s just so frustrating! I just wish someone would tell me what really is going on…Jongin recently uploaded his Instagram after like 15 days but he didn’t say anything. He only posted photos of his and his nephew and niece.

I miss Jongin when he used to upload day after day and I just hope he is doing well. I’m worried about him and although he looks happy in his recent SMTOWN Concert, I just feel that he has a lot to say…A lot to explain.

But no matter what, I will always be on Jongin’s side.

KIM JONGIN, 사랑해

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A Good Week

This week was good for me, because all I got were good news. I am so happy that everything is turning out fine right now. God is always good and I can’t thank him enough.

Although we were in pain, He has finally given us happiness.

Verily, with hardships comes ease.

Quran 94:5

I know that we can’t always have a good life. We live go through so many tests and trials that sometimes we might end up thinking of giving up on our life. But that’s what life is, isn’t it? Life needs to have its ups and downs so that we can understand why we were created in this first place.

We weren’t created for this world. No, we were created to Worship our Lord, so all of these problems are nothing but an obstacle in your final destination which is the Eternal Paradise.

We must leave everything to our Lord. We must put our entire trust in Him and just live without any stresses and tension. We must realize that whatever happens, happens with His Will only. So, why stress over something which is already written in your life?

Just thank God always and see how everyday will turn beautiful and joyful.
I pray that everyone has a good week ahead and please don’t forget that God is always watching. He knows what you’re going through. All you gotta do is pray to Him and everything will work out just fine.

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Hardships (A Poem)

In our lifetime,
we go through so much.
The pain and the trials never end.

God has tested us so many times,
given us so many choices,
between right and wrong;
good and bad.

And yet, I thank him,
because these problems have unknowingly shaped me.
They have made me into something better,
they have made me strong, quick-witted and brave.

Crossing the bridge looked easy,
but then I realized that if it hadn’t been for God,
I wouldn’t have reached the bridge in the first place.

These hardships are nothing but our enemies,
which we must fight to reach our beloved destiny.
An eternal place; called Paradise,
where one never dies.

And frankly, I’m glad that I’m getting these hardships,
because I know that God gives the hardest battles,
to his strongest believers.
He didn’t forget us,
in fact, he is always watching us.

Even now, he’s smiling,
knowing that we remember him,
no matter what we we’re going through.

He isn’t to blame if something evil or bad touches us,
it’s up to us to change the way we live.
He gave us our freedom,
all we have to do is understand how to use it.

Once more, let me tell you,
these hardships are nothing but a rare piece of diamond,
that none but the faithful get.

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