#BlackLivesMatter

I seriously don’t know what’s going on. Why did this had to happen…Why is racism poisoning our hearts? Why are we diving deep down into the roots of race and gender? why are we being so mean to human beings? Aren’t Blacks human? Don’t they have a soul? Don’t they have the right to live?

Can’t we stand up and just say one word together; Enough. Enough. Enough.

Please, it’s enough. How much blood are you going to shed? How many people are you going to bury or hang alive? How many names will you write on the tombstones? how many poetry and songs will you sing?

Aren’t you tired? Aren’t you tired of holding those banners that have the words, Black Lives Matter all over? Aren’t you tired of yelling, screaming, running around under the heat and aren’t you exhausted to see no change?

Source: The Source Magazine

Blacks are humans too. Just like us, they are kind, merciful, generous, loving and caring then why do you distinguish them? why do you categorize them and label them as ‘others?’ why do you do this? Please, tell me, I need to know.

Even though I’m not a Black, I feel their pain. I feel their grief. I feel their tragic history crawling up to my heart and throat and choking me with sadness. Is this the world we’re living in? Is this what it means to be human? Then isn’t it better to die if all we get is abuse, discrimination, rascim, and comments that break and tear us apart.

When you look at Whites, what do you feel? Nothing.

But when you look at Blacks? Everything?

Isn’t this injustice? Isn’t this called biasness?

Black Lives Matter as much as every lives. You matter, you matter, you matter, George Floyd matters, Breonna Taylor matters, Ahmaud Arbery matters and those lives that are lost in the protests and before matter.

Let’s all become anti-racist so that we can make the world a better place. Is that too much to ask for? Can’t our hearts soften and become kind? Can’t we embrace each other’s ethnicity and background and forget about what our skin color is and just…just shake hands, kiss each other’s cheeks, bump our foreheads and smile?

Please, don’t make this a ‘dream’ but make it a ‘reality.’ Don’t say it’s impossible, say it’s possible and take action! Remember, to start a revolution you don’t need a large group, but one man/woman with a strong voice is enough.

Donate. Sign petitions and support the protests as much as you can.

Click here to know where you can donate your dollars.

#BlackLivesMatter
#GeorgeFloyd
#JusticeforGeorgeFloyd

 

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Grandpa…I love you.

We all knew that he was going to live no more and yet, when he took his last breath, we all broke into tiny pieces. His memories flashed in my mind and his last smile to me was painted in front of me. It was just that afternoon that I talked to him and told him that I would come. All he could was give a big smile and nod. I thought I would get to see him, whisper my promises to him and serve him more. But just a few hours later, my Grandmother called.

I was filled with guilt and regret that I couldn’t fulfil his last wishes. I cried even more by just thinking about it. However, a piece of me felt a relief because he had suffered so much. So much pain he endured and yet, he never complained. He bore the pain all to himself and smiled. Smiled because he was just happy to see us. It was as though he would forget all his agony by just seeing us move around and laugh and crack jokes.

But what pained me to know was that, in the end, he suffered a little bit more. I wanted to go to him and feed him, talk to him and hug him but our Lord has His own plans and His plans are always Great. Perhaps I wouldn’t have survived if I saw him like that. Perhaps it was for the better that I was away for a while.

I realized that I didn’t do much for him. I didn’t…

Even though everyone is saying that I have done enough, I feel like I have not. I still want to do more for him…I still want to feed him, talk to him and see him laugh at our jokes.

Grandpa…I love you so much. I really love you and I’m sorry for everything…

I feel guilty because I have a feeling that I might have hurt him or caused him to hate me by doing something which he displeased. And no matter how many good memories of him I try to recall, it’s overlapping with his loneliness that he was living in. I guess that’s what pains me…to know that he lived the rest of his life on bed; unable to go to places that he dearly loved or meet the people he dearly cared for.

I keep telling myself that I’m probably overthinking all this stuff and that eventually, everyone has to die. But like I said, what makes me sad isn’t his death but his memories and his suffering.

I just want to hug him tightly and close my eyes and wish that none of what happened is true. But that’s going against God’s Will and with this thinking of mine, I don’t want to displease the Almighty. I don’t want to say or think that it was His fault that Grandpa died because God gives life to whom He wills and takes away the life of whom He wills of His slaves. It’s life and we must move on. Our Lord is Most Knowing of everything and I’m glad that Grandpa died because none of us could see him suffer anymore.

To Allah we belong and to Allah we return.

I pray that our Lord, the Most Merciful admits my Grandfather into Paradise and Forgives all his sins. And I pray that He forgives me as well for my mistakes and shortcomings and for the things I shouldn’t have said to my grandpa and for the wishes I haven’t fulfilled.

Ameen.

Everyone has given me the task to write the funeral speech for him and although I would be happy to, I’m afraid that I won’t be able to because this is the first time someone so close and beloved to me has died…I don’t even know how or what I’m feeling but I pray that I find a way to cope with my grievances and be a support to my Grandma, my brother who is closer to my grandfather than me and my remaining family members.

I hope I do a good job of writing that funeral speech…I also wouldn’t mind a little help so if you’re reading this post, can you help me? What do I write and how do I write…?

Grandpa…I know you can’t hear me or read this article but I love you, okay? I didn’t say it to you before but I don’t regret it because I showed you my love through serving you patiently. I hope you loved me too just as you loved my brother and I hope we meet again in Paradise.

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Things that give me Hope

Sometimes, I lose creativity. I get all gloomy and irritated for no reason. I get all hyped up over little things and sometimes I just don’t know what I’m feeling or trying to feel.
But I’ve realized that its at that time, that seeing or understanding small things which we thought were trivial, gives us hope. It sparks our imagination, it banishes the darkness we were feeling and helps us smile, helps us become artistic and brings out the poet hidden within us.

Let me list a few things that give me hope when I’m going through that arduous stage.

Charity
Waterfalls
Praying
Panda’s
Kim Jongin
Small towns
Fields
Café’s
Forests
Stars
Dreams
Antique stores
Beaches
A good book
Rain
Gardens
Night life of cities
Northern lights
Lighthouses
Parks
Sound of rivers
Campfire
Aesthetic quotes and images.
Poetry
Letters
Typewriter
Red Moon
Autumn
Realizing that someday we’ll die
Cats
Talking to Grandma/Grandpa
Hot Chocolate with a pinch of cinnamon
Completing a task
Knowing that I have a goal to reach
Museums
Reading knowledgeable books
Libraries/Book stores
Patience
Art
Journaling
Comments and likes from my readers who support and love my works
Mint chocolate chip ice cream
Chocolates
Bucket Lists
Polaroid photos
Reading in the dark

These are a few things that I recall giving me a lot of hope, emotions and inspiration.
What are the things that give you hope?

Feel free to comment~ I would love to know about it.

Peace neighbors,

See you in my next post~

I’M THE WRITER NEXT DOOR!

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Mini Review of Heize ‘Mianhae’ (Sorry) MV

I finally watched and listened to Heize’s song Mianhae which means Sorry in Korean and it kind of made me feeling low at the end. Mianhae is a song that speaks about not being able to suppress our feelings because us humans are so weak and delicate. The people around us tell us to hide our emotions; just like robots. To put on a smile no matter how hurt you’re inside, to be reserved and to just live the life like the way they have planned. Even if you try to speak your mind, eventually, you’ll be the only one to be in pain and for that, the one who is suffering is sorry because of the “inconvenience” they have caused. The girl is sorry for even being alive and she’s sorry for being sad and helpless and sick to the core. She keeps saying sorry because she doesn’t want us to leave her, she wants us to stay and she promises to refrain herself from displaying her unfathomable emotions.

The song does depress you and you kind of just sit there for a while and stare at the screen with a blank mind and upset heart. The song is meaningful and gives a message to the people out there that this world is turning cruel by each passing day. That you need a damn permission to let out your feelings and your thoughts and that the one who is distressed is to be sorry for being how they are or have become. At first, you might think the MV is creepy but as the song progresses and as you get to know the lyrics, it’s plain agonizing. Heize is shown as being a humanoid in progress. Although robots can’t feel anything, this particular one somehow does and even thought we can’t see any pain on her face, we can feel that she’s going through so much torture every single day. She’s being created unwillingly, and she clearly doesn’t seem too happy about it. Finally, when she’s done, she’s been kept in glass box as a display for the world to see what the scientists have finally achieved; an Humanoid named Heize. The audience are taking photos and all but Heize doesn’t like it and neither can she do anything to save herself from the world outside. She sits there, doing nothing and its just so painfully poetic that our hearts begin to shrink. And as the MV comes to an end, Heize the Humanoid cries (the feels…)

The slightly downtempo along with the beats of the drum and low keys of the piano accomplishes to give the listeners the true message the singer wants to convey. It’s a song that empathizes with people who can’t communicate their emotions and who’ve given up many times to do so in their life. I think Heize has done a great job in making the type of music that truly reaches the hearts and minds of the listeners. It’s a must listen to song but I don’t think I’ll be able to watch the MV again haha…

헤이즈 (Heize) – MIANHAE (Sorry) MV

Rating: 8/10

Peace neighbors,

See you in my next post~

I’M THE WRITER NEXT DOOR!

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