Grandpa…I love you.

We all knew that he was going to live no more and yet, when he took his last breath, we all broke into tiny pieces. His memories flashed in my mind and his last smile to me was painted in front of me. It was just that afternoon that I talked to him and told him that I would come. All he could was give a big smile and nod. I thought I would get to see him, whisper my promises to him and serve him more. But just a few hours later, my Grandmother called.

I was filled with guilt and regret that I couldn’t fulfil his last wishes. I cried even more by just thinking about it. However, a piece of me felt a relief because he had suffered so much. So much pain he endured and yet, he never complained. He bore the pain all to himself and smiled. Smiled because he was just happy to see us. It was as though he would forget all his agony by just seeing us move around and laugh and crack jokes.

But what pained me to know was that, in the end, he suffered a little bit more. I wanted to go to him and feed him, talk to him and hug him but our Lord has His own plans and His plans are always Great. Perhaps I wouldn’t have survived if I saw him like that. Perhaps it was for the better that I was away for a while.

I realized that I didn’t do much for him. I didn’t…

Even though everyone is saying that I have done enough, I feel like I have not. I still want to do more for him…I still want to feed him, talk to him and see him laugh at our jokes.

Grandpa…I love you so much. I really love you and I’m sorry for everything…

I feel guilty because I have a feeling that I might have hurt him or caused him to hate me by doing something which he displeased. And no matter how many good memories of him I try to recall, it’s overlapping with his loneliness that he was living in. I guess that’s what pains me…to know that he lived the rest of his life on bed; unable to go to places that he dearly loved or meet the people he dearly cared for.

I keep telling myself that I’m probably overthinking all this stuff and that eventually, everyone has to die. But like I said, what makes me sad isn’t his death but his memories and his suffering.

I just want to hug him tightly and close my eyes and wish that none of what happened is true. But that’s going against God’s Will and with this thinking of mine, I don’t want to displease the Almighty. I don’t want to say or think that it was His fault that Grandpa died because God gives life to whom He wills and takes away the life of whom He wills of His slaves. It’s life and we must move on. Our Lord is Most Knowing of everything and I’m glad that Grandpa died because none of us could see him suffer anymore.

To Allah we belong and to Allah we return.

I pray that our Lord, the Most Merciful admits my Grandfather into Paradise and Forgives all his sins. And I pray that He forgives me as well for my mistakes and shortcomings and for the things I shouldn’t have said to my grandpa and for the wishes I haven’t fulfilled.


Everyone has given me the task to write the funeral speech for him and although I would be happy to, I’m afraid that I won’t be able to because this is the first time someone so close and beloved to me has died…I don’t even know how or what I’m feeling but I pray that I find a way to cope with my grievances and be a support to my Grandma, my brother who is closer to my grandfather than me and my remaining family members.

I hope I do a good job of writing that funeral speech…I also wouldn’t mind a little help so if you’re reading this post, can you help me? What do I write and how do I write…?

Grandpa…I know you can’t hear me or read this article but I love you, okay? I didn’t say it to you before but I don’t regret it because I showed you my love through serving you patiently. I hope you loved me too just as you loved my brother and I hope we meet again in Paradise.

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A Poem for My Grandpa

Just seeing my Grandfather living his last breaths breaks my heart…I wish I could be near him at this very moment; holding his hand, talking to him, telling him that everything is going to be alright. I miss his voice and the way he used to praise me from time to time, saying how patient I was helping him and feeding him. Gosh, I just miss him so much right now. I can’t stop my tears whenever I think about him. I video called him yesterday and he couldn’t even talk properly.

I know he doesn’t have long to live but I wish I could just be beside him. You know, I still feel that I haven’t taken care of him much. I suddenly feel so guilty and I’m overwhelmed with regrets. There were times when I got slightly annoyed or didn’t listen to him much and now those things are kind of getting to me. You know what they say, “You only know you love them when they’ve gone away.”

But I want him to die peacefully. I don’t want him suffering with pain. If he just passes away in his sleep, I think that would make me happy. Here is a little poem which I wrote for him, but I don’t think I can read it to him. Maybe my grandmother would, but…anyway, here I go.

“You held me in your arms,
fed me, played with me and
helped me sleep at night.

You made up stories,
just to make me smile,
You took me to places,
I could never find.

I can’t thank you enough,
for the things you’ve done for me.
You’ve given me so much joy all these years,
that I will never forget even if I’m drowning in tears.

I can’t see you go away,
Grandpa, I love you so much,
but unfortunately, we all get old,
and some day we all must fade away.

I only pray that you are happy,
until your last breath.
I only pray that I get to see you for one last time,
before your silent and blissful death.”

Grandpa, I love you.

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Stan Lee dies at 95

Well, this is a devastating and shocking news.
The writer, editor and publisher of Marvel comics passed away on the 12th of November, 2018. 

ABC's "Fresh Off the Boat" - Season Three
Picture credit goes to owner.

Many actors and fans shared their condolences and thoughts on various Social Networking Sites and some even paid him tributes.

Stan Lee created worlds, heroes, villains and showed kids and adults alike that it’s okay to dream. That sometimes it’s okay to give up. Lee stories and characters are unforgettable and no doubt, they will still live for the years to come.

Marvel has taken us to so many different journeys, made us feel so many emotions and gave us the chance to dive into so many different worlds. 

It’s amazing how such a person was able to do all that. Stan Lee was gifted with talent and I would miss him and his short cameos.

He certainly marveled us with his marvelous comics. 


To read more about Stan Lee, click the link below~

Stan Lee dies at 95

Which Marvel story do you guys like and why?
Let me know in the comments below~

We love you Stan Lee!

Peace neighbors,

See you in my next post~


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Are you afraid of death?

I’m being completely honest here. No, I’m not afraid of death.

If death comes to me right now, I’d happily let it take my soul.

What is there to be afraid of? You’re just going to go to a much better place where there would be no sin, no fear, no hunger, no poverty, no bad things. So why shouldn’t I be happy to die, right?

In this world, we’re just travelers. Just people who are living on rent. Our home is the hereafter. A place filled with light, happiness, limitless provisions and eternity.

I’m prepare for death. It can come anytime. It can come right now before I publish this post.

I’m not afraid of it. Rather, I’d take its hand and let it lead my soul wherever it wants to take me.

You shouldn’t be afraid either. Its just death. Not torture. Its just a passing moment. You’ll feel pain for a few seconds but then its done. The extraction of the soul is done and now, you’re free. All of that pain, anger, torment, stress and depression will be over.

And I tell you, you’ll be glad. Glad to just leave the wordly worries behind that were unimportant and unncessary.

I’m not afraid of death.

Are you?

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Mini Review of Fear The Walking Dead S4 Ep3 ‘Good Out Here’

*Beware of extreme spoilers*

This episode gave me the biggest shock since the death of Glenn in The Walking Dead series…me and my parents were like sharing confused and aghast glances because it was so unexpected. It was so sad and I wish time could go back and change whatever has happened.

Al unwillingly takes Nick’s group to where she found the numbered flag, however, in the middle of their lovely journey, Al manages to create a chaos that eventually ends up with the two group helping each other.

Al makes a simple deal; she’ll only lead them to where she found the flag only if they comply on telling their story. Though all of them perplexed at her little idea of capturing the moments, they agree to do the same.

However, their motive of finding the numbered flag is still unknown.

In the flashback, Nick, who couldn’t bring himself to come out of the gates, finally decides to help her mom find some food.

Nick recollects those memories; the talks they talked, the places they went, and it only makes us question even more as to where Maddie is right now and what might have happened to her?

Morgan and Nick end up spending some quality time together, when suddenly, Nick spots a familiar car passing by the road they were stuck in and somehow runs behind it.

With a few mishaps here and there, and with the help of Morgan, Nick finds the person who he seemed to loathe so much because of Charlie, who doesn’t seem to understand the difference between who the right group and the wrong group are.

Consequently, Nicky here kills the man in a struggling fight and sees to it that he be dead for good.

Seeing how the poor drug addict is going through the same phase Morgan himself went through, he urges him to read the book of attaining peace which was given to him by the individual who changed Morgan’s life. Morgan hopes that Nick could find the rightful path before its too late.

He keeps the book with him and sits on the threshold of an abandoned house; recalling the moment his mom found a beautiful field of flowers, and the tranquillity he felt at the time. When unexpectedly, Nick hears a gunshot.

He looks up and sees Charlie, the girl he was fond of, the girl he wanted to rescue from the clutches of the Vulture, had a gun pointed at him.

Realization strikes and he feels the pain of the gunshot. Nick falls, keeping his gaze at Charlie who hastily runs away. Although, judging by her appalled expression, we can only assume for now that she must have been forced to commit such a crime. And at this young age of hers, there’s not much she can do but oblige to survive.

At his last moments, Nick remembers the peacefulness that surrounded him, and albeit he died without warning and in suffering, leaving his family and friends behind, I’m guessing that he was relieved to leave the world where only the dead walk. Where humans betray, and where we are required to take on the form of a demon instead of an Angel.

With that, the episode ends. Tears in our eyes. Aching hearts. Utter shock that I still can’t get over.

Nick was the main protagonist. He was the absolute foundation of Fear the Walking Dead. The chief point of view.

So, I wonder how things will turn out now…I’m actually more worried about Maddie’s reaction. She’s the type to do whatever it takes to get her son back. The type to kill all those involved in the death of her son, which means, she might not spare Charlie’s life unless the little rebel has a reasonable excuse.

But, you know what? I won’t stop watching because I need to find out what takes place next. Sure, I will miss Nick, abundantly at that, but what’s more important is seeing the Vulture’s crucial death.

This really was heart breaking for me. And this desolated emotion isn’t going away because of the way it was all directed; thr flashbacks, the flowers, the whole placidity thing.

*cries inwardly*

Okay, let me just go to the bathroom and…cry a bit more.

Rating: 8/10

Peace neighbours,

See you in my next post~ (that is if I succeed in getting out of my depressive state)



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Mini Review of The Walking Dead S8 Ep9 ‘Honor’

“I can’t be who I was. It’s different now.”


It’s sad. Uh-huh.

Carl dying is sad.

I liked Carl.

Why did they have to kill him?

That’s the question we all keep asking, right?

But, guess some people just have to die, be it in the hands of Negan or a single bite from a Walker.

This week’s episode of The Walking Dead was slow as hell, talkative but nonetheless, filled with emotions. Carl is dying and the entire group that is waiting in the tunnel for the Saviors to leave are on-looking Carl’s death and time passes so slowly…So painfully for Rick and Michonne. It was hard to watch to be honest.

Meanwhile, Carol and Morgan have joined together to save Ezekiel who had been captured by the Saviors. I do agree that the episode was slightly boring, but I liked it because of Carol’s and Morgan’s merciless battle. I also liked the direction; the way the scene changes from one group to the other as if something or the other is definitely going to happen but none of us know when.

Seeing Carl die slowly wrenched my heart because he was such a good support to Rick and the others. Who will make the unexpected choices now? Who is brave enough to face Negan by himself? Who will be a big brother to Judith and who will be by Enid’s side to stop her from doing anything reckless? Man, the more I keep thinking about it, the sadder his death gets. He saw a future when no one else did, he could’ve made it work somehow but we all know how it’s going to end up. We all know that Negan’s only going to be as good in our dreams and that the life Carl wishes is never going to happen. And that Rick knows for certain.

Killing is eventual.

And talk about killing then we gotta talk about Morgan because heck, he doesn’t leave even one Savior alive. And it was all because that one person had killed the kid. He was indecisive at first but now he has made up his mind and I don’t think anyone can change that. I like this side of Morgan though he does intimidate the viewers a bit. I do acknowledge Henry’s courage of killing the last Savior standing with them. I think I would’ve done the same thing if I were in his place.

I did think though that they prolonged the episode too much but nevertheless, it was an emotional watch and we finally have to say our goodbyes to Carl Grimes.

Accidents happen, man. And Carl’s death was just another accident.

Rating: 2/5

P.S. I do hope they don’t prolong Negan’s war because being completely honest, I’m getting bored by his villainism. I want him dead in this season because I can’t bear to watch another season with him in it. No offence to all those Negan lovers.


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My Mini Review of Kyo No Kira-Kun

“I’ll always be by your side, until you die.”

I have been wanting to see a heart-touching and simple Japanese live action for a long time after watching Your Name and last night my sister finally showed me something that I felt satisfied with watching. Kyo No Kira-Kun which is called Closest love to heaven is a manga based teen romance live action. The story is about a high school girl named, Ninon Okamura who doesn’t have any friends but has a talking parrot which she calls him as ‘Sensei’. Meanwhile, our hero, Yuiji Kira is Nino’s classmate. He likes harassing other students and dating various girls, but like all other manga heroes, he has a secret. He’s terminally ill and he only has a year to live.

Since the very beginning of the movie, I could sense the emotions slowly drawing in. The sceneries were so manga-like and the angst atmosphere was already building just a few minutes after the movie started. I felt the sorrow, the joy, and the different feelings just by the amazing acting skills of Taishi Nakagawa (Yuiji Kira) and Marie Iitoyo (Ninon Okamura)

I want to praise their acting skills further because it was surprisingly good. I was surprised at how they made me cry in the end. I mean, I am quite sensitive when it comes to people dying but I really felt what the characters felt. The story was set so beautifully, I could watch it again if I must. The supporting characters were indeed how every best friend would be; supporting. Without them, there was no chance of the hero and heroin to be together. And per se, they were the main pillars for the protagonists love to bloom to the fullest. Japanese live actions also tend to show the true feelings the family feels about something like love and friendship. This movie had a very devoted mother and father who don’t want anything but that her daughter is happy until the end which is why they make a decision that is right from their perspective but a little upsetting for the main characters.

There were a few heart throbbing and awe moments and that’s what I like about these types of movies; they have everything. Humor, Optimism, Comfort, Moodiness and the Blues.

There’s always something Japanese live action teaches us and this one here taught us that you don’t know what happens tomorrow but you gotta believe in today so that you can have a tomorrow. You never know what can happen to us anytime that’s why don’t miss the chance to do what you love and don’t miss the opportunity to be with the one you love.

I’m sure the manga would be filled with more feels and heart-fluttering moments but to those who love a good cry at the end of the day, I recommend it to you.

My rating: 5/5


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